Only one more day till Ben gets home from Training!

I don't know if Peanut Butter Balls are technically a holiday recipe but they sure cured the munchies for all of us at 10 am this morning. We were out of powdered milk and oat flour so I substituted crushed wheat cereal and flaxseed meal. Raw honey and organic natural peanut butter. It worked great. I rolled them in artificially flavored and colored sprinkles to atone for all the health benefits on the inside. The picture above is as deceiving as the finished peanut butter balls. Nathan was NOT serenely looking on. The camera only caught him in the middle of snatching the spatula and flinging ingredients everywhere, several times that is. :)

This afternoon, while Nathan slept, Hannah asked me if next time i go to the store, "could you get me some jello? 'cause my teacher at parkway was eatin' some and she wouldn't give me any. She said you need to buy me some. " So I said lets make some!

She then agreed to put on a Sunday dress and let me take her picture outside (Nathan was asleep). I want to learn more about this camera but for now i'm just trying to get the right song and dance combo to get smiles and personality. i might worry about lighting and special effect next year...or the next or maybe i'll never get to it. who knows. The ones of Nathan are from last Sunday.

I can't decide if he looks like my dad, my brothers or my husband...

Does he know how to pose our what? He was such a little honey today, giving me hugs and he brought me this baby early this morning while everyone else was still asleep wanting me to name the eyes, ears, mouth, etc. He's not saying any of those words yet but he's definitely got "uh-oh" down and I love it when he does the double uh-oh, "uh-uh-oh!" . His word for Hannah is "nanna" and he's got Momma, daddy and bye-bye and few others.

I've been so thankful for my kids these last few days even though I've felt really cruddy. I woke up Thurs. knowing something wasn't right and by late Thurs. afternoon I knew if I didn't get to the doctor, it would be a long weekend. Fortunately there's an excellent doctor here in Raymond. He's from Senegal (west Africa) and he speaks with a very thick accent. I liked him immediately because he took all the time in the world to answer my questions. It was also a plus that he's just up the street from my house and I was in and out of there with both kids, 2 shots and an antibiotic in 40 minutes! Sweet!

Anyway...thankful for my kids...Hannah has been fun these past few days, especially as the Christmas cards are trickling in. Usually the photo cards are the most fun. But this year, I was in for a surprise, Hannah has been asking me if she can have the cards with the nativity scenes, angels, shepherds, etc. It has been such a joy to explain these pictures to her. Last weekend when we decorated the front of the house with lights, I found in the Christmas box a small nativity scene with little glass figures glued inside. I gave it to her because earlier that day I had told her the story of baby Jesus. She was so excited about the little manger scene and literally carried it around the house and placed it around the house all week. And the Christmas cards have reinforced the story for her. Watching her experience the story for the first time has given me a new perspective.

A few of our best days in November...

Calf ropin' and Christmas portraits

I woke up today with hopes of getting a darling little Christmas picture taken of my two little corduroy clad Christmas angels. Ben even offered to go to work a little bit late so he could help me get them dressed and whisked away to Sears Portrait Studio where the friendly photographer was waiting for us. The kids were excited as usual and I was just relieved we got there in one piece and on time. Now I could relax because the nice lady would do all the work and we'd be picking out pictures in 20 minutes. Ben and I were even pleasantly reminded of how great the last photo session went 3 months ago because a massive portrait of our very own daughter hung to the right of the waiting room. "That's ME, Momma!" she exclaimed. And there we all were, smiling, calm, composed...

"Come on in" said the lady. She had a backdrop waiting for us. And the calf roping began. Hannah sit up, now smile! YEAH! (rattle, rattle) Nathan! Nathan!! Look! Ben! get his shoe, please! (rattle, rattle) No, sit down. Hannah stop, Beth, you gotta tuck his shirt in. (rattle, rattle) up here! ok smile ! CHEESE!! CHEESE!! CHEESE!! Pleeeease!! NO Nathan, you have to sit down. Hannah put your dress down, SIT on your bottom. "Ittsy bittsy spider ... look Hannah...went up..no put your tongue back in your mouth... the water spout! Down came the....Ben, get his shoe! ...Rain and washed the spider out!....'" Hannah, DRESS DOWN! SIT NATHAN SIT! Ben get his shoe, hannah give me a real smile, please be a big girl, smile for Nana and GAGA, lets be a big girl. "patty cake, patty cake...NO, put your tongue back in your mouth!...baker's man..."

This torture went on for 45 minutes until the Sears phone rang at which point the photographer left the room and Ben and I sprawled out on the floor not only from pure exhaustion but I think from disbelief that we had actually put ourselves through that. I felt like an idiot monkey or a whacked out puppet. I had pulled out all the stops and NONE of the pictures worked. NONE. The whole thing was a Disaster.

We walked out of the studio with cranky kids, aching backs and a resolve to NEVER do that again. Yes, we will laugh about that one day...but i'm afraid the joke was on us today!

Pancakes and Projects

I'm thankful this week for Ben's time off. Our house is in a self imposed state of chaos. Ben has ripped out the master bathroom sink and shower tile, sheet rock and several studs leaving exposed the naked pipes, outside wall of the house, mold and mildew and a few ants. We knew the mold was there because it had filled up the entire wall and was literally coming out at the seams, from the tile grout, at the baseboard by the tub, the wall next to the tub. The Black had nowhere else to go but out so that's what it did, signaling to us that it was time to quit bleaching. It was time to rip it out.

We've chosen a sheet marble like replacement which will be coming in about a week's time to be glued over the new studs and sheet rock. Ben is the handy man so he's doing all the grunt work, removing the old, and nailing up the new, preparing the wall for the marble guys to come and install our new sink and shower walls. We're hoping our existing tub will pull through.

Hannah has asked us repeatedly "what happened to your bathroom?". I thought one of Ben's answers was interesting. "Sometimes we have to break things before we can fix them."

My contribution to the project has been of course to keep the chaos down to a dull roar. Our other bathroom is equipped with a hand held shower hose thing that comes out of the faucet. We don't have a conventional shower head so hygiene has not been a problem, just a bothersome change in routine.

When it's time for us all to fall in bed, I find a new place for "clean laundry" and graduate the pile of "worn once" clothes to the floor. Cleaning the kitchen is an ongoing activity. If I can just keep Nathan from climbing into the dishwasher or jumping off the kitchen table or throwing away my Tupperware, I'm still in charge! I'm trying to keep the kids occupied, myself sane-yes blogging is a creative outlet!- and Ben fed. I thought pancakes would be a good start for the Thanksgiving week so I made a big batch Sat. morning.

One little, Two little Blonde little Indians!

Moses

"Diamonds, roses,I need Moses
To cross this sea of loneliness, Part this red river of pain
I don't necessarily buy any key to the future or happiness
But I need a little place in the sun sometimes Or I think I will die"
~P. Griffin

While I think this song is about the heartache of a divorce, the beauty and mystery of good music is that it's not one dimensional. I first heard Patty Griffin's music when I was in college-Ben and I were riding in his new truck one afternoon and he said, "hey, listen to this". And so began my love for the powerful honesty of one voice and one guitar. Her ache defines a piece of me and everybody but whether or not she's found her Moses in Jesus I can't say. Some days my ache is very physical, very present-a migraine. Others...it might be a concern for someone who was in a car wreck, has cancer or lost a baby or can't have one. The list could be longer.

One thing, I'm not much of a writer. I'm just trying to explain why my blog is here. I hate the "think positive thoughts and you're life will be better" philosophy of the world because it's a lie. I live in a fallen world and have a less than perfectly healthy body and things are rapidly going wrong all around me. But i believe I am called to be honest about who I am, what i'm dealing with, and how i'm able to enjoy life "under the sun".

And so launches a tiny little corner on the internet for me to put pictures and thoughts.